Facebook makes me feel old. I see all these posts from people I knew way back when and they are happy and smiling and I am not in any of them. I talked to everyone even hung out with them on occassion. But I am not part of the happy smiling pictures and videos that everyone posts. If you look at pictures here and now with my family there aren't pictures of me either. I seem to lack that vital gene that makes me part of other peoples happy times. I assume I am a recluse, a hermit, or maye just a booring nasty person that people don't need around for thr good times. Granted I don't drink or smoke but I know how to laugh and have a good time and even toos down a few drinks every now and again.
I don't think there is anything wrong with me, but I can't seem to get close and stay close to anyone. Even my husband has a very active social life that keeps him with his friends a lot of the time. The kids do their own thing. That leaves me and the sleeping animals.Pretty damn lonely.
I never would have imagioned that being married for this long with a house and 2 kids and I feel as lonely as the awkward teenager I was way back when I knew these faceook people. I couldn't bring people close into my life then because of the issues with my Mom, Now I am so scared I am going to be used and taked advantage of I let no one else in and apparently do a REALLY good job of pushing people away.
Problem is I don't wanna feel alone anymore and I have no idea how to get the changes to make me happy with my life. It's just like day after day month after month I am withering farther away.
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